Many the Miles~Chapter 4

Many the Miles

"I feel a change in my soul today

Questioning things I believed in so firmly yesterday

How can I have faith in myself and what I feel to be true

When the next day I feel my heart and mind telling me something new…

Right now, I'm confused

Right now, I don't exactly know what to choose

This day feels so unlike the rest

Right now, I'm confused"

~Natalie Brown (Confused)

My alarm clock went off at ten o'clock, filling my subconscious mind with incessant ringing. I sat up slowly, pushing the jumbled mass of covers and sheets off me. I had a really weird dream, but I guess it wasn't too important because I couldn't remember it for the life of me.

I made my way down the stairs, gripping the handrail for fear that I'd keep tripping. The smell of pancakes was drifting through the air and my mom smiled pleasantly when she noticed I was finally up. "Morning, honey!"

"Mornin', Mom," I mumbled sleepily and, shuffling my slippers across the kitchen floor, made my way over to the table. Mom brought the stack of blueberry pancakes to the table and some syrup. It was only us in the mornings because I didn't have any siblings and Dad went to work early. He owned a business that made weapons, which were being used in Vietnam. Although he brought home a lot of money, it always hit a sore spot when people asked about his work. I didn't know a whole lot of stuff about the war, but I didn't like the idea at all; especially that boys my age were getting drafted. He didn't how I felt, though.

By the time I was on my second pancake, Mom had joined me at the table. She stared out the window blankly. The sky was a deep blue with wispy clouds that resembled cotton candy. She suddenly beamed. "Lisa called. She wants to go shopping with you on Friday."

My mother loved when Lisa and I got together. She figured Lisa had a good head on her shoulders and would help me to channel more of my inner lady. Plus, it was becoming clear to me that my mom was, like Lisa, coaxing me to become more aware of the boys around me.

"Okay. I'll get back to her," I mumbled, reluctantly. Shopping was fun, but I knew there was more behind this little outing than just spending a day trying on clothes with a friend. I had to be wary of her.

Spooning some fruit onto her plate, Mom turned her attention back to me. "So, it's your second day of summer break. Any plans?"

Wishing I could avoid this conversation, I twirled my fork for a moment. "I'm gonna take a walk to the park, probably." Not probably; it was definite.

"Just be wary of the people there."

Me and my mom usually got along, but it was only because I held back most of what I wanted to say. She really drove me crazy. If I told her everything I really thought, we'd always be at war. It was kind of sick how fake our relationship was. And the really pathetic thing was that she didn't know it.

"What people?" I asked, playing stupid. I knew what she meant. She was aware of the different social classes and that they didn't get along, but not to the full extent. It wasn't uncommon though. Most adults didn't know how bad things really were between us, like the jumping or the rumbles.

She sighed. "Leslie, you know. The bad boys and all. People like that use those poor girls who fall for them. It happened when I was your age, too."

She meant 'greasers', of course. It's not like it was surprising that it happened in her generation either; it's something that's always happened. But she'll never understand that not everyone with hair grease or a leather jacket is our enemy. It seemed to me that most of my enemies are my kind. We may be of the same social status, but I would always be at war against them.

"I know," I sulked.

She immediately stopped eating and looked at me, her eyes radiating concern. "What's wrong?"

Clutching my plate, I stood up. A fake smile was plastered to my face. "Oh, nothing!" I responded enthusiastically. It must've been convincing because her face softened and her eyes looked serene once again.

Making my way upstairs, I brooded. Deep down, I knew holding all this inside wasn't good for me and it would resurface one day. But I assumed that day was far into the future…

I took a quick shower and decided not to apply any makeup. I usually put on a little, but it was rarely a priority in the summer. I thought most makeup was unattractive anyway.

"So, it's a date?" His voice still echoed in my mind. Did that mean I should dress up or keep it casual? Not that I had the option to look too informal in any case. I realized I was probably stressing out for no reason at all. Dally was a flirty kind of guy, but his voice was grave when he asked that. But maybe he just forgot how to be enticing. How, I couldn't tell you.

It still took me forever to get ready because I continued to have trouble persuading myself it was just going to be a laid-back meeting. When it was getting close to 11:50, I made my bed in a frenzy, leaving the silky covers creased and drooping off one side of the bed.

Anticipation began to come over me about halfway to the park. I was thankful for the loose dress I was wearing because of the intensely hot weather. Even the usually radiant flowers that were planted all around me were wilting by the minute.

I spent the last couple blocks sprinting. According to the clock in the window of a store, it was about noon and I didn't want to be late. I didn't know if Dally was usually a prompt person or not, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

When I arrived at the park, there were only a couple parents there with their toddlers. Avoiding the kids, I reserved the bench under the lamppost for Dally and I. He wasn't anywhere within my line of vision, and the anticipation was killing me. But I tried to appear patient.

I was probably sitting on that bench for at least an hour. I didn't want to believe he decided not to show up. I kept thinking maybe he was held up somewhere or some kind of emergency came up. But he probably just didn't want to see me again.

I regretted getting him upset yesterday, even though it wasn't intentional. He must think we just can't relate at all. I came from riches and ease, while he came from pain and lost dreams. But the only reason I stepped out of my comfort zone to set this all up was because something about him told me he knew what it was like to not belong…

Eventually, I made myself leave. There was no point in waiting. It was amazing that I made it this far, past the extraordinary moment. I never thought I'd get to have that once-in-a-lifetime chance to meet a guy like Dally, let alone almost have a real conversation with him. Why were all the good things that were starting to happen suddenly slipping through the cracks? I'm farther than imaginable from perfect, but I still deserved a little happiness. What made every other broken, twisted person worthy of wearing an authentic smile? Maybe I was just too gullible or eager. The thought of my mom being right about guys like that using girls was troubling me.

But I came to a realization: Dallas was different; if he was going to use me, you'd think he would've tried harder. I could see it in him – somewhere – that he was different.